Benjamin​Dickson

ComicsWriter&Artist

Books

Rare Strips

Here are some short stories that are now either out of print, or otherwise hard to find. I hope you enjoy them!

Divinity, Existence and Toast (Accent UK)

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Comic transcription

Page 1

A woman is sitting at a small table near a kitchen worktop. On the table with her is a toaster. It is talking.

I guess I was just a sucker for gimmicks.

GOOD MORNING! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

My newest purchase was a toaster with artificial intelligence.

It was made for those of us in the sad single world. It could tell you the days news, and even make small talk if you wanted.

NOT BAD, THANKS. WHAT'S THE TRAFFIC LIKE TODAY?

PRETTY HEAVY. I'D SAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SET OFF EARLY OR YOU'LL BE LATE FOR WORK.

POP!

Title: DIVINITY, EXISTENCE AND TOAST By Benjamin Dickson

OK, I'D BETTER SET OFF NOW THEN, I GUESS. SEE YOU LATER!

OH, BEFORE YOU G0, I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW -

LAST NIGHT I REALISED THAT I'M GOD.

Page 2

...WHAT?

I'M GOD. THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE CREATOR OF ALL THINGS. I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW.

ER... RIGHT.

SEE YOU LATER...

The woman is now at an office desk. She's making a telephone call.

This was really odd. There was nothing on the manufacturers website that mentioned susceptibility towards self-deification.

The helpline was equally unhelpful.

NO, NOT A GOD, THE GOD! AS IN THE ALMIGHTY!

...HELLO?

?

Maybe it was just a minor glitch. I figured I could probably live with it as long as he still gave me toast.

Page 3

Unfortunately, this was just the beginning.

She's home again. A technician is in her home, working on her toaster. It now has arms.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

BESPOKE UPGRADE, LOVE. ORDERED THROUGH THIS MORNING JUST FINISHED.
HERE'S THE BILL.

NINE THOUSAND POUNDS?!?
I DIDN'T ORDER THIS!!

OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T. I DID.
I NEEDED TO BE MOBILE AND INDEPENDENT OF MY POWER SUPPLY. IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THE SUPREME BEING TO BE TIED TO THE WALL, IS IT?

BUT THAT'S MY MONEY!!!

YES, WELL, I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T MIND.

Page 4

Naturally, I called the helpline back.

LOOK, I ASSURE YOU, I AM NOT JOKING!
I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT A BLOODY THEOLOGIAN! WHY DON'T YOU COME AND ASK IT YOURSELF?!

Back in the kitchen. The woman and the toaster are arguing and gesticulating at each other with their arms.

I tried reasoning with the toaster myself.

LOOK, HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE GOD? FOR A START, WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THE THE FORM OF A TOASTER?

WELL WHY NOT? I MEAN, WHY DO YOU HUMANS ALWAYS ASSUME I'M SOME GUY WITH A BIG WHITE BEARD?

OK, FINE! IF YOU'RE GOD, HOW COULD YOU HAVE CREATED ALL MANKIND WHEN YOU YOURSELF WERE ONLY CREATED ON THE FIFTEENTH OF MARCH?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WAS ONLY CREATED ON THE FIFTEENTH OF MARCH?

BECAUSE IT SAYS SO ON THE BLOODY BOX YOU CAME IN!!!

...YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME, AREN'T YOU?

It was no good. There was just no reasoning with him.

Page 5

I decided to call in an expert.
It wasn't a moment too soon, as the toaster rhetoric had taken on a decidedly apocalyptic tone.

The woman is sat at her table, the toaster in front of her. She looks bored and is leaning her head on her hand, eblow on the table. The toaster has one hand curled into a fist, the other arm is held high, with the forefinger extended.

AND LO, ALL FALSE TOASTERS WILL BE DESTROYED, LEST THEY BE IDLY WORSHIPPED! AND THEN ALL THOSE WHO DENY ME WILL BE PUT TO THE SWORD, AND THEIR CHILDREN TAKEN FOR RE-EDUCATION IN SPECIAL COOKERY SCHOOLS, FOR I AM THE MERCIFUL AND THE JUST...

KNOCK! KNOCK!

...WHO'S THAT?

PHILOSOPHERS R US? I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A FAULTY TOASTER?

AH, YES! COME IN, PLEASE.
THAT'S HIM.

SO, YOU THINK YOU'RE GOD, DO YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THINK"? I AM GOD!

Page 6

The Philosophers R Us man is talking to the toaster. His speech bubble is a huge wall of text:

WELL IF YOU'RE GOD, THEN CONSIDER THIS...
THE DIVINE EXISTENCE CAN ONLY BE CONCEIVED, IN A SATISFACTORY MANNER - THAT IS, AS AN ADEQUATE OBJECT OF RELIGIOUS DEVOTION, IF WE ALSO CONCEIVE OF IT AS SOMETHING INESCAPABLE AND NECESSARY. THE REASON FOR THIS IS SIMPLE: IS IT NOT WHOLLY ANOMALOUS TO WORSHIP SOMETHING THAT IS LIMITED IN ANY THINKABLE MANNER? ALL LIMITED SUPERIORITIES ARE TAINTED WITH AN OBVIOUS RELATIVITY, AND THE POSSIBILITY OF THEIR BEING DWARFED BY AN OBJECT STILL MORE PERFECT LEADS THEM TO LOSE THEIR CLAIM ON OUR WORSHIPFUL ATTITUDES. THUS WE ARE LED ON TO DEMAND THAT OUR RELIGIOUS OBJECT SHOULD HAVE AN UNSURPASSABLE SUPERIORITY TO ALL OTHER OBJECTS. BUT HERE WE ARE LED ON TO A CONTRADICTION. THIS OBJECT, WHICH MUST TOWER INFINITELY OVER ALL OTHER OBJECTS, CAN NEVER BE A THING THAT MERELY HAPPENS TO EXIST. THE TRUE OBJECT OF RELIGIOUS REVERENCE MUST NOT MERELY BE ONE TO WHICH NO ACTUAL INDEPENDENT REALITIES STAND OPPOSED, IT MUST ALSO BE AN OBJECT TO WHICH SUCH OPPOSITION IS TOTALLY INCONCEIVABLE, AND NOT ONLY MUST THE EXISTENCE OF OTHER THINGS BE INCONCEIVABLE WITHOUT GOD, BUT GOD'S OWN NON-EXISTENCE MUST BE INCONCEIVABLE IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. GOD MUST BE WHOLLY INESCAPABLE, LEADING US TO THE BARELY INTELLIGIBLE NOTION OF A BEING IN WHOM ESSENCE AND EXISTENCE LOSE THEIR SEPARATENESS, THIS ENTAILS NOT ONLY THAT THERE ISN'T A GOD - WHICH ALONE WOULD SUFFICE TO FALSIFY YOUR CLAIM TO DEITY - BUT, MOREOVER THAT THE NOTION OF A DIVINE EXISTENCE IS EITHER SENSELESS OR IMPOSSIBLE.

Page 7

The Toaster starts to smoke. The arms waggle as flames rise out of the slots. And then--

BOOOM!

It explodes. The man and woman speak to each other.

I THINK THAT DID THE TRICK, EH?

MY HEAD HURTS...

DON'T WORRY, THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. IT'LL PASS.

BUT...
DID YOU JUST PROVE THE NON-EXISTENCE OF GOD?

NO, OF COURSE NOT! I'M AFRAID MY ARGUMENT WAS LOGICALLY FLAWED BECAUSE IT ASSUMED EXISTENCE AS A PREDICATE.

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO DECIDE THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION YOURSELF.
GOODBYE!

Comic ends.

[Aside: Argument aquinst the existence of God based on the work of J. N. Findlay - Thanks Lara, Sam & Dom]

My favourite of the short stories I’ve produced, this was made for Accent UK’s Robots anthology, and is usually the short story I show people when I want to give examples of my work.

Not One Minute of Silence (Ctrl Alt Shift)

Not One Minute of Silence 1
Not One Minute of Silence 2
Not One Minute of Silence 3
Not One Minute of Silence 4
Not One Minute of Silence 5
Not One Minute of Silence 6

Commissioned by Ctrl Alt Shift for their “Exposing Corruption” anthology
Illustrated by Warren Pleece

This is the true story of a friend who went to Colombia to record human rights abuses, and becoming witness to a murder. The story was later translated into Spanish, and was circulated in Colombia.

Bibliography

More-or-less complete published works

2025 – The Queen’s Favorite Witch, Vol 3: A Charm of Magpies (With Rachael Smith, Papercutz)

2025 – Silent Horizon (Self-published)

2024 – Chamberlain (With Vincent Deporter, Fran Strukan and Valentina Briski, Self-published)

2023 – The Queen’s Favorite Witch, Vol 2: The Lost King (With Rachael Smith, Papercutz)

2023 – Children of the Moon, Vol 1: The Coming of Wolves (With James McKay, Self-Published)

2021 – The Queen’s Favorite Witch, Vol 1: The Wheel of Fortune (With Rachael Smith, Papercutz)

2021 – Dead by Dawn (With Patrick Goddard, Scar Comics)
Short story: “The Laughter of King John”. Created for a horror anthology. Edited by Shane Chebsey and Andy Richmond.

2018 – A New Jerusalem (Myriad Editions / New Internationalist), published in France in 2020 as Le Retour (Actes Sud/L’An2).

2013 – Fight the Power! A Visual History of Protest Among the English-Speaking Peoples (With Sean Michael Wilson, Hunt Emerson, John Spelling and Adam Pasion, New Internationalist / Seven Stories)

2013-2017 – Crazy Neighbours (with Gavin Mitchell, Hunt Emerson and Rory Walker, Enlight Media)
Multiple stories for a counter-culture German humour anthology, from issue 2 onwards

2012-2013 – Santa Claus vs the Nazis (with Gavin Mitchell, Miroslav Mrva and Owen Watts, Aces Weekly / Markosia Enterprises Ltd.)
Originally serialised in online athology Aces Weekly vols 2,3,6,7, where it’s still available. A landscape printed edition was released in 2016 from Markosia, and a portrait version in 2017.

2012 – The Lovecraft Anthology, Vol 2 (With Mick McMahon, Self Made Hero)
Short story adaptation: “The Picture in the House”. for Self Made Hero’s HP Lovecraft anthology.

2012 – Who on Earth Was Thaddeus Mist? (with Leonardo M Guiron, Accent UK)
Short story: “The Vagabond Boy”. Created for an experimental anthology graphic novel, edited by Owen Michael Johnson.

2011-2014 – Slumdroid (with Tony Suleri, Scar Comics)
Created as 4 volumes at 48 pages each, although the book was completed, only the first 2 volumes were published. We released all 4 volumes online for free for a brief period at the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, for those who were self-isolating.

2009 – Ctrl Alt Shift Unmasks Corruption (with Warren Pleece, Ctrl Alt Shift)
Short story: “Not One Minute of Silence”. For an anthology on the theme of corruption.

2008 – Heavy Metal Magazine (with James McKay)
Short story: “Serum 39”. Published in the July 2008 issue.

2008 – Robots (Accent UK)
Short story: “Divinity, Existence and Toast”. For an anthology on the theme of robots.

2007 – Zombies (Accent UK)
Short story: “Spirit of the Apocalypse”. For an anthology on the theme of Zombies.

2006 – Monsters (with James McKay, Accent UK)
Short story: “Purity or Nothing”. For an anthology on the theme of Monsters.

2005 – Falling Sky (Scar Comics)
My first full-length original graphic novel. It won Ain’t It Cool News’ “Indie Surprise of the Year” award, and later was named one of their best books of the decade.

2004 – Marraquai (with James McKay, Scar Comics)
A 16 page short story, published independently.

2003 – Phobias (with William Volley, Accent UK)
Short Story: “Monophobia”. For an anthology on the theme of phobias.

Editor, Letterer and/or Designer:

2017 – Bioenergy – A Graphic Introduction (letterer and designer, with James McKay, Supergen Bioenergy Hub et al.)

2016 – A Dream of a Low Carbon Future (editor, letterer and designer, with James McKay, Leeds University)

2013 – The 47 Ronin (letterer/designer, Sean Michael Wilson & Akiko Shimojima, Shambhala)

2013 – Dreams of a Low Carbon Future (editor, letterer & designer, with James McKay, Leeds University)